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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29345337">Late Nights at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shoppe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonFreckle/pseuds/CinnamonFreckle'>CinnamonFreckle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Discord: Dumbledore's Armada, Dumbledore's Armada A Riddikulus! Flash Competition, F/F, F/M, M/M, Madame Puddifoot's Tea Shop (Harry Potter), Sirius Black Lives, Strippers &amp; Strip Clubs, Stripping, Thirsty witches</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:14:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,330</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29345337</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonFreckle/pseuds/CinnamonFreckle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has been called in to investigate 'immoral' goings on at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shoppe.  Surely nothing untoward could possibly occur at such an esteemed establishment.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>A Riddikulus Flash Competition</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Late Nights at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shoppe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">



        <li>In response to a prompt by
            Anonymous in the <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/collections/RiddikulusComp">RiddikulusComp</a>
          collection.
        </li>
    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <strong>Prompt:</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shoppe (place)</p><p>Written for the DA Discord Flash Fiction Ridikkulus Competition.</p><p>Thank you MimiFreed and DrunkenWinky for organising such a fun competition.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Every Hogwarts student knew that Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shoppe was the place to go if you were on a date. The boys cringed at the hideous pink decorations, the floral teapots, and the overpowering perfume. The girls swooned over the romance of the whole place, the lace tablecloths, the closely placed chairs and small tables, staring into your date's eyes.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry had hated the place.  An overblown cliche which pandered to impressionable teenagers who believed this was romantic.  It was kitsch, it was over the top, and any sane adult wouldn’t set foot in there.  Which was why Harry was cursing his luck that he had been sent undercover, after numerous anonymous tips to the Auror about “immoral goings on” at the tea shop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry had scoffed when the first report came in, and questioned how much firewhiskey the ‘concerned citizen’ had drunk.  But after more than a dozen such reports, it was decided that it needed to be investigated and the matter put to bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which was how Harry found himself staking out the tea shop late one Thursday evening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry had always questioned how the tea shop survived, considering that not every weekend was a Hogwarts weekend, and that afternoon hadn’t given him any answers.  Madam Puddifoot’s had been empty all day.  However, to Harry’s astonishment, that hadn’t seemed to bother the proprietor one bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madam Puddifoot had closed the tea shop at 5pm sharp, and had quickly drawn the curtains across the shop window.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry slowly shifted into a more comfortable position.  The anonymous tips had been clear that nothing would happen until 8pm, but his arsehole of a boss had insisted that Harry stake out the place for the whole afternoon to see if anything else untoward occurred.  As expected, all Harry had got was a numb arse and frozen toes.  Harry had a sneaking  suspicion that his boss didn’t like him very much, and had simply wanted him out of the office for the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hours ticked by slowly, but at 8pm sharp Harry noticed a light come on by the door and a cloaked wizard slowly approaching.  The wizard looked around furtively, before knocking on the door.  After a moment the door opened and the wizard slipped inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry stood waiting, not wanting to be the second person in the shop.  He wasn’t disappointed, and over the course of the next hour a reasonable number of witches and wizards made their way over to the door, knocking and then entering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally Harry made his way over, walking up to the door and knocking against, like he had seen the others.  A wave of magic washed over him and the door opened.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On edge Harry entered the dark room, and pulled up short at the sight that met him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tea shop’s counter had been replaced by a bar, the room still contained the small tables, though the lace tablecloths had been removed, and an area at one end of the room had been cleared to make way for a stage.  Around the edge of the room, booths had been set up, and Harry noticed that a number of them contained groups of witches and wizards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A waitress sidled up to Harry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First time?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Errr…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry,” she smiled, “you’ll soon relax.  Why don’t you find a table and I’ll bring you a drink on the house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, thanks.” Harry muttered, making his way towards one of the booths near the back of the room.  At least there he’d be able to see the whole room, and hopefully no one would recognise him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The waitress returned with a tumbler of firewhisky.  Placing it on the table, she smiled again.  “Show should start soon, you got here just in time.”  She slowly moved away to the other tables, taking drinks orders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry carefully looked around the room.  It looked like Madam Puddifoot was running some sort of underground bar.  Harry was surprised that this warranted any tips to the Auror office, but guessed that it was some disgruntled pub owner hoping to close it down.  Harry imagined that she probably didn’t have the correct alcohol licence.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pondering his encounter with the waitress, he wondered what she had meant by a show.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lights in the room suddenly dimmed, and a spotlight appeared on stage.  Loud music started pumping out of hidden speakers, and the lights in the room began to flash.  Harry gripped his wand in his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking towards the stage, Harry realised that a figure had now appeared and was slowly walking towards the spotlight.  No not walking, prowling.  Harry cocked his head to one side, he was sure that walk was familiar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a cursory look around the room, he saw that the other patrons seemed to be holding their breath, waiting for the figure to hit the spotlight.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry noted that now they were inside he recognised some of the witches and wizards.  Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan were cuddled up together in a booth, barely paying any attention to the stage.  Harry smiled to himself, pleased for the loved up couple who seemed to be trying to find each others tonsils with their tongues.  A group of giggling witches caught Harry’s attention, and he thought he recognised Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones amongst them.  Perhaps it was a Hufflepuff reunion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the middle of the room was a group of rowdy witches and wizards.  Harry was sure that he recognised them, but in the dim light couldn’t catch a glimpse of their faces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crowd suddenly started cheering, and Harry looked back up at the stage, promptly choking on his drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wearing tight black leather trousers, a leather jacket, and no shirt, stood his godfather, a wide grin plastered across his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tone of the music changed, and Harry recognising the song snorted. Of course Sirius would choose muggle rock music, for whatever this is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the song implored the audience to “pour some sugar” on him, Sirius pranced around the stage throwing winks to the audience.  Returning to the centre of the stage, Sirius shimmied out of his leather jacket, throwing it into the audience.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry noticed that there was a bit of a scramble, with one slightly older witch grabbing the jacket and holding it aloft while squealing.  Sirius blew her a kiss in response, causing the witch to faint and Harry to roll his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Turning back to face his audience, Sirius placed his thumbs into the top of his leather trousers, slowly gyrating his hips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Black! You’ve still got it!”  Was screamed from the table in the centre, and Harry was shocked to realise that the screaming witch was none other than Professor McGonagall.  Her loud comment was swiftly followed up by a scream of delight from Professor Flitwick as Sirius removed his trousers, leaving him standing proudly in just a black thong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius smirked at the crowd and threw a lewd wink towards McGonagall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dance was clearly coming to a crescendo, and as much as Harry did not want to see any more of his godfather than he already had that evening, he couldn’t seem to look away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius turned to the back of the stage, giving his arse a wiggle and causing more screams to come from the crowd.  As he slowly pulled the thong down, looking over his shoulder at the audience the whole time.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he made to turn around and reveal himself in his full glory, the lights went out and the tea room was plunged into darkness.  The crowd roared in approval.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the lights came up, Harry noticed that someone was now sitting next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Prongslet, what did you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry looked over at Sirius, and promptly banged his head on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that this is going to give me far too much paperwork!” He moaned. “I’ll never be able to look McGonagall in the eye again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius just laughed. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
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